Until A Point
by Clarra-Night
Summary: Another portal. Another dimension. Another Loki. AU. Spoilers for Infinity War.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR INCLUDED. **

**Oh man, I can't believe this was meant to be a Christmas story and we're already in February. Sorry, guys. **

**And yes, you may call me out for the less-than-impeccable premise and plot of this less-than-Christmassy Christmas story.**

**It shows how brain-dead I've been for the past few months that I'd forgotten until about three quarters of the way through this fic that Strange was killed in the Snap, so I had to go through the whole thing to delete him and then fill in the gaps. Also, Tony ****Stark isn't stuck in space in this story either... But I can't really root him out of this. Before the Endgame trailer was revealed (*deep breathing*) technically this story could have taken place post-Infinity War in the following years, so somehow Stark could have returned, and they could have recovered the two later-mentioned Infinity Stones... ****But, it's safe to say this is essentially AU. (Apologies for that). **

**Um, merry Christmas. **

* * *

"Is it possible?"

Thor waited for Tony to respond, unused to the man looking so serious.

"Well, I really never thought before a few years ago that aliens were real, and yet…" Stark shrugged. It creased his dark suit, the pinstripes going from straight to crimped before straightening again.

"If we can do this," Banner's voice was like someone on the edge of cliff, trying to gauge the danger of the fall before taking the step forward. "If we do this, there are a lot of risks we need to prepare for, even if the universes we've detected so far _seem _just like ours – "

"If Thanos can fight dirty, we need to step it up too." Tony pulled out a black velvet cloth from his suit jacket pocket and began polishing his sunglasses.

"But actually opening a portal into one of those dimensions…" Natasha's tone reminded Thor of her way of holding a gun to someone's temple; a calm warning.

"Gotta do what we gotta do."

"I agree." Thor dropped the two words in as decisively as he could, pouring mortar over bricks. "We have the chance to resurrect all our friends from the Snap with Time and Reality, but in particular we'll need someone who – "

The mortar crumbled slightly: "But why we would choose Lokiof all people to resurrect – "

"As I was saying, he has knowledge of the Stones," Thor tried to continue sounding purely rational. He almost succeeded. "And this wouldn't be a resurrection."

_They don't know. They don't know what he did for us. _Thor bit his tongue.

_They don't know what he did. _

_(_I _barely know what he did)_

"Is this your head or your heart talking, Thor?" Despite his faith in the direction they were heading, Tony's skepticism for one detail of their strategy – Loki – audibly leaked through. As if acid on marble, it ate away at the surface of their conviction. But Thor knew they would still reach the decision soon.

"Both. I know you don't want to listen to what my heart says, but you can't deny he'll be useful. I'll keep him in line if it comes to that. You can trust me even if you wouldn't trust him." He could not help but add, "It's not as if every other of our friends is completely innocent."

"If we're faced with an army of Thanos', I still think someone else from a parallel dimension like Wanda or Vision would be more – "

"This isn't about overthrowing more armies anymore – "

"He's right." There was reluctance in Bruce's quieter tone that Tony and Romanoff would clearly detect, but Thor was grateful for the second voice. "There's – there_was_– obviously some kind of connection between Loki, Thanos and the Stones that we could use, if Loki were to help us, and – " Banner hesitated, but pushed through. "Ultimately, I think he'd choose our side. Or at least Thor's."

The silence was thick with misgivings, and calculations. Natasha folded her arms across her chest, although not with utter defiance.

"I'll keep him under control." Thor repeated. "Whatever version of him we find."

"So you're willing to give him a slap on the wrist if he acts up on us?" Tony tucked his buffed sunglasses back into his jacket pocket. "Willing to let us put him in a time-out corner if we need to?"

Thor glowered. "If we need to."

"You know, we have a foolproof Plan B if he fails to cooperate." Romanoff made no physical gesture or change in expression, but her hint was obvious. Thor could not help his frown deepening.

Another silence, but he could sense this one was a tipping point instead of a standstill.

"Well." Romanoff gave a slight tilt of her head at Tony, and then at Thor. "I guess we're stepping it up."

Stark clapped Thor's shoulder as he headed towards the door. "Ready for a family reunion, Point Break?"

* * *

Several hours later, Thor prodded, "How much longer?"

Stark's dark eyes tossed an amused glance at Thor over his shoulder, as he was about to close the lounge room door behind him.

"Are you kidding? We're two scientists, an assassin and a God trying to figure out how to open a portal into another dimension, and the God is probably the least helpful. It sounds like the setup to a bad joke."

Thor frowned. "I offered my help earlier but you declined."

"Have you thought of anything extra to tell us about the Stones or know much about any branches of physics or engineering?" Stark bit his lip. "Actually, you probably don't need either of those to join us pretending to know what we're doing. Or you could figure out how to hide your giant axe – "

"Stormbreaker"

" – with the abysmal name. Have you got a way of hiding it in case it's off to Earth we go?"

"Eitri made sure it can be concealed from sight and liberated whenever I need to." Thor brandished the axe from somewhere he did not fully know how to label; it bothered him slightly that it was reminiscent of Hela flourishing her own blades. He guessed someone unversed in science would probably say he was pulling the weapon from 'thin air'. Bruce might have devised a more technical way to describe it. Loki probably would have known. [CS2]

"Well then, brainstorm a couple of backup plans in case we need to persuade or kidnap your brother to help us. How about that?" Tony shut the door behind him. Thor stowed away Stormbreaker and sighed.

* * *

Tony's voice and a strange parcel entered the lounge room before he did. "We've got good news and bad news. Here, put these on." The parcel – actually one of the clear plastic bags Thor had seen him store his tuxedoes in – landed on the glass coffee table before Thor with a soft whump.

Thor looked up from the outdated magazine he had been trying to distract himself with, plucked from a nearby shelf – it was about high-tech computers, which appeared about half as advanced as Tony's coffee machine. Thor had paid little attention to the columns of tiny, slick lettering.

He tossed aside the slippery magazine and tore open the bag. Rising quickly, his chair skimming over the glossy floor, Thor stepped into the nearest bathroom to don the decidedly human garb. It seemed like soft Midgardian winter gear, plus a leather wallet filled with what was probably their nation's money. When he returned to find Tony waiting impatiently at the threshold, his hands were already clenched tensely; it twisted the plaid patterns on the knuckles of his woolen gloves.

"For your discreetness. It's their winter at the moment." Tony said in explanation as they stepped into the corridor.

"Bad news first."

"Sorry Thor, I'm going to give the good news first while we walk and talk. We've suddenly got no time left." Their footsteps echoed ahead of them as they hurried. Energy and tension were already seizing and fizzing through Thor's muscles, and he found himself striding several paces ahead with Tony dashing to keep up. He could hear Natasha and Bruce's voices crescendo into a clamour in Tony's work chamber at the end of the hallway, and suddenly he and Tony were both running.

"We've found a dimension with a relatively suitable version of your sibling." Stark was saying between breaths.

"Which one?"

"The littler one."

"Which _dimension_, Stark?"

"How am I meant to describe that? Third one on the left? Basically it was one of the only ones we could find with a Loki that wasn't already dead or working for Thanos – "

Thor hid his wince by quickening his step even more. Neither of them seemed inclined to acknowledge it as they approached the door.

"Not surprisingly, it's difficult opening a portal into another dimension, so we'll need to take advantage of any opening we can make. We managed to doorstop one open a minute ago, so you may need to hurry through before it closes on us – "

"I'm going through alone?" That was not the original plan. Which had not been especially watertight to begin with.

"We realised it'll probably take all four of us to re-open it to let you back in. Which we'll do in the same location it's in now, after seventy-two hours because according to Banner and my estimations that's when the Stones' energy peaks and troughs will be unstable yet safe enough to let us do it without any major backlashes to this dimension. Hopefully. Three full days, alright? Anyway," Tony added, "wouldn't you prefer to do this one alone?"

Another one of Tony's words needled Thor. "So this one will be a 'relatively' suitable version of Loki?"

They reached the door. Thor could hear a sound like rushing wind on the other side, and an ominous tingling in the air that reminded him of Yggdrasil's Convergence. "He was the best one we could find in the limited time we have," Tony was saying.

When they stepped through, it appeared as though a wound had been torn open in the very air. Like one of the Convergence doorways or Doctor Steven Strange's portals, but less neatly circular, less like it was allowed to be there. Like it was bleeding, with the shadows fragmenting around the edges as though they did not know how to behave with this disturbance in reality. They were going against the fabric of the universe, similar to how Loki used to teleport himself with his own brand of magic. Apparently it would always be wrong for Thor to find his brother again, even if it were only a weak mirage or a broken reflection.

Thor realised how familiar the scene on the other side of the gaping wound was. He felt his brow knit. "He's on Earth?"

"For some reason we haven't found out." Natasha almost had to shout over the sound of the airs of the two dimensions rushing to mix together.

Thor did not look away from the winter-tinged cityscape, grimy and glossy, that waited for him on the other side, as though his mind had already been sucked through ahead of his body.

"Thor," Banner called over the racket without looking up from the nest of Stones, each held in steel cradles and glowing iridescently, "You'll have to go through within the next minute, but – " he hesitated.

"What?"

"We overheard and saw a few glimpses of him and the dimension's version of the Avengers before fully opening this, and it looks like maybe you didn't exist in this one – "

"What?"

"But he's the best we could do, we're pretty sure he'd still know magic and about the Stones – "

"You're pretty sure? I have three days to find and convince my alive dead brother to join me across a magical portal to help save this universe, and he won't know who I am?" Thor probably did not need to roar so loudly to be heard over the wind.

"Uh, use your charisma – " Stark's voice was overridden by Natasha calling, "Thor. Go!" The edges of the yawning anomaly were starting to shiver inwards, like a rubber band stretched close to its limits and needing to either recoil or snap.

Shaking his head, Thor hurried into the new world.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for giving this story a chance :) **

**But, of course, I just realised that I already need to make an amendment to Chapter 1... ****The change is brief, but just makes these other chapters a bit clearer - just something Natasha says right after the line '****Thor glowered. "If we need to."' **

**Anyway, here we go. **

* * *

After wandering his way into what looked like the city square, it seemedjust like the Midgard he was used to, though decidedly more wintry. If someone were to take his brain and slice out the memory of having charged through an inter-dimensional portal a minute ago, Thor would be fooled into believing he was in his original universe. The cacophony of the humans' vehicles blurring into a background hum was the same. This New York's air was the same faintly smoggy city air from years ago as he remembered, although with a fresh cold bite and the light flurry of white of a snowfall that was just concluding. The same sky lit by a weak sun and punctured by skyscrapers like children thinking they could touch the ceiling or wave to gods they believed in.

He noticed the nearest street sign, white letters painted on dark green: Calling Avenue.

Then he heard the truck horn blare before it –

_Screeeeeeeeuuuuurgh!_

"Move!"

The truck was half braking, half swerving. Thor was already leaping backward off the icy tar and back onto the snow-layered pavement before he felt the urgent hand seizing his arm through his coat sleeve. In his reverie he had not noticed his first footstep off the sidewalk and onto the potholed road. But Thor had centuries of experience hunting wild beasts, crushing marauders from each the Nine Realms, and, more recently, fighting armies of aliens – dodging the passing truck was easy.

For an instant, Thor tensed; he could be recognised by humans of this dimension. But he remembered a second later he need not worry about hiding in a place he had never existed. The fleece lining of his coat collar tickled his cheek. Tony's winter clothing would keep him sufficiently unnoticeable.

Thor tried not to dwell upon who used to provide these little details of his Midgardian facades in the past.

"Look before you cross, you idiot!" A woman with a sleek ponytail and navy suit under her furred coat snapped at him as she trudged a fresh path through the already trampled carpet of white.

Gradually the people around Thor pacified and continued with their own snow-stifled business. A voice on his other side spoke.

"Are you okay?"

Thor glanced toward it. He nearly did a double take.

The very image of his brother was eyeing him carefully, a hand partway held out like he was hesitating to pat Thor's shoulder.

Like on their old journeys to Midgard, under a dark olive winter coat, Loki was garbed in a passably normal human suit – dark charcoal grey with a yellow-and-red striped scarf looped around his neck – and the subtle bearing of having been there a million times before that Thor had taken a few decades longer to master in their youth. It was the same face, and the same eyes – although mercifully awake, and clear, and alive – but Thor felt like the breath had been walloped out of him because it was his little brother staring at him with polite concern and absolutely no recognition whatsoever.

This was not a resurrection,Thor reminded himself. This was not his real Loki. Just 'a' Loki. One of the apparently very few leftover in existence alive and well, and good.

(His real Loki was who knows where)

"Yes, thank you," Thor heard himself say, and felt himself nod politely with some appropriate sheepishness. "I'm sorry, I was lost in my own thoughts and didn't look where I was going."

This was not his real Loki.

There was no need for this sense of homesickness that was forming a lump in his throat, as this Loki stood there, snowflakes settling in his black hair, and still with his hand held out to him uncertainly.

"Thank you for pulling me off the road." How nearly funny it was that his brother in this universe was trying to save his life in such a mundane and obvious manner.

This Loki dropped his hand and replied, "How unfortunate to be run over right before Christmas. All the exaggerated preceding fuss and none of the fun of the day itself."

Thor blinked. The fact that Loki – at least a version of – was standing there before him and speaking as casually as though a friendly neighbour was immobilising Thor's brain. "Christmas?" he said without thinking.

"Yes. The holiday in two days that's responsible for all the rushing, singing, decorations everywhere…?" Loki raised his eyebrow – he suddenly looked the closest yet to what Thor's brother had. "Bless the lucky souls in your life with you not overdoing this holiday."

Thor fished another abashed grimace from somewhere. "Oh, right, yes. Sorry." He had seen Christmas before.

He could not stop drinking in the sight of his alive brother's face.

"Are you sure you're okay?" This Loki prodded doubtfully.

_It's not him. _

This was just Time and Space at work. The venomous green and blue of two of the three Stones they had managed to recover from Thanos and his Children were burned into his brain.

_It's not him. _

Thor shook himself again.

_When in recent years had Loki ever asked you that?_

Thor nodded again. "I'm fine. Sorry, still slightly… distracted." He scouted his slightly stunned brain for what to say next, for how to engage this Loki according to plan. He was meant to convince Loki of something, to help somehow –

"Being nearly hit by traffic might do that to you, I suppose."

But his brother's voice was filling the space between them once more. Thor was suddenly in a universe where he did not have to scout his memory in order to remember Loki.

_It's not him. _

"I suppose so."

The sight and sound of the man before him was bringing Thor's grief to surface, rather than burying it deeper.

_(No resurrections this time)_

After a pause, Thor collected himself. Why was he even playing along with this Loki's apparent charade of humanity? He should have taken a private moment to reorient himself after crossing the portal. Apparently this Loki had never had a brother, and, it seemed, was pretending for whatever reason to be a human on Earth.

But then, this Loki should still have the same knowledge and experiences with magic, Thanos, and the Stones as Thor's true brother had, albeit with potentially some variation if their dimensions had not followed an exactly similar timeline. So Thor needed to tap into this, convince this Loki that he knew who he was and to return to Thor's own dimension, potentially permanently, to help overthrow the Mad Titan. In three days.

_How hard could that be? _Thor thought grimly. When he had pushed so hard for the Avengers to take this direction, he probably should have realised – or rather, remembered – how difficult anything was with his brother involved. What would make it easier would be if this Loki were unhappy there, so that he might be more amiable to accompanying Thor back. There was a twist of guilt in Thor's gut as he hoped that.

Then again, this Loki had no Thor. Maybe he had fewer reasons for unhappiness. There was no shade of greatness overshadowing him here.

The man in front of Thor regarded him, searchingly. In Thor's old moments of doubt, or arrogance, or argument, Odin had always the ability to look at him as if looking through him. In those moments of Thor's, Loki had always seemed to see inside him.

Still sounding concerned, this Loki asked, "Do you have somewhere to be now?"

Thor began his pitch. "Listen…"

In their school years, he had rarely enjoyed showing their professors or tutors his academic work – he had shoved the scrawled articles under their noses and just looked away, awaiting their verdict. Rare occasions in which he had been devoid of confidence as to whether he should expect praise or disappointment. His brother – the image of his brother – puckered his forehead, but nodded slowly and somewhat cautiously at Thor's abrupt change in tone.

"Loki, I don't know why you're on Earth with this pretense at being human," Thor continued, "but I need your help using some of the Infinity Stones to stop Thanos."

As Thor expected, Loki's brow crinkled slightly. Through the wintry air he pinned Thor with a stare of perfect confusion and suspicion. "Okay. What?"

Thor had rarely had the opportunity to watch the God of Lies perform while knowing full well Loki was lying. He suspected he would have been fooled if he did not already suspect otherwise. Still, he inwardly grumbled; so this was how they would have to play it.

In Loki's eyes and tone, the confusion quickly darkened into more distrust. "And how do you know my name?"

This was definitely at least an echo of his brother – Thor already felt like shaking his shoulders and demand that he hurry up and agree. But instead he said, "This will sound bizarre, but there's a dimension parallel to this one where Thanos has managed to assemble all six Infinity Stones in his Gauntlet, and he snapped his fingers before the other Avengers and I managed to steal back three of the Stones. The others sent me into this dimension to find you to help us – "

"Er – "

" – Because in our universe – "

Thor faltered mid-speech, as though in a foreign language and realising he could not pronounce the next word. "In our universe… you had to leave. You left us."

This Loki just stared at him.

"But you were my friend." Thor finished.

His mouth felt dry, his words only sand on his tongue.

(_You're my brother, and my friend – _)

Perhaps it was best he hold back some information for now, anyway. He could always reveal more shocking family news later, after gaining more of this pseudo-Loki's trust.

(_– sometimes I'm envious, but – _)

Thor watched him nod slowly, reminiscent of a patient parent when their child describes their plan for capturing wild Bilgesnipe. He waited for the false denial he would have to parry next.

"I'm sorry, my friend." Loki's tone was aloof with detached politeness. Thor kept from rolling his eyes as the other furtively glanced around them as though hoping a passerby would interject. "I'm sure parallel dimensions and being a part of the Avengers would be thrilling, but you'll have to understand that I'm wondering if you've just found out my name somehow and are playing a joke…" Another strange experience, witnessing Loki react to something so mundanely.

Thor wondered how many layers of dishonesty this Loki would shroud himself with despite Thor's blatant awareness of his true identity. He wondered if this Loki would suffocate beneath them.

He kept his voice low. "Loki – "

His brother twitched at the second mention of his name.

"Loki." Thor said.

(_And 'Loki' only,_

_Not brother_)

" – I know you probably have your own reasons for hiding on Midgard, if that's what you're doing, but if you could admit what you know of the Infinity Stones and listen to what my world is going through and why we need your help – "

"Most of the things you just said went over my head." This version of Loki was shaking his head and beginning to turn away. "I'm sorry, I'd best be going now, but please take care where you walk – "

"Why do you hide?" Thor caught Loki's thickly sleeved wrist –

(He was suddenly months younger, on his knees on a burning, crumbling ship, crawling towards his little brother's broken body and clutching his limp hand…)

– and ignored the answering glare of indignation. "Who are you protecting? We could help you in our universe too, if you joined us there the Thanos of this dimension wouldn't find you – " The logic sounded perfectly reasonable to his own ears, but his own Loki had not always been the most reasonable, either.

"Let go, _friend_." Loki's tone was starting to jeer. At the back of his mind, Thor had to admit it made this Loki look and sound again more like his true brother. It was better than the aloof civility of a stranger.

He still clutched Loki's arm."Perhaps I didn't explain this well – "

"Clearly." More disdain.

(More and more like his own Loki)

" – but we need your help, your magic and knowledge, we _know_you're Asgardian, or half Jotun, and – "

Loki took his arm from Thor's grip and countered with finality, "I'm sorry, whoever you are, but you won't find anyone more human than me."

Thor realised where the sudden sense of familiarity came from; _déjà vu, _Tony had once termed something like it. He was back on Sakaar, trying to convince Brunnhilde to help them escape to Asgard and fight Hela. But she had joined them eventually because she was tied, blood- and bone-deep, to Asgard. His younger brother had one tie if none other – to his brother – and this Loki had not even that.

Thor would have to figure out something else. "Fine. Stay here. Don't help us."

Loki lifted an eyebrow for the second time, sarcasm carved in every line of his face. "And continue on with my life as I had intended before pulling you off the road…? My loss, I'm sure."

Clearly out of patience, he headed down the snow-laden sidewalk, away from Thor. "I'll let you go find someone else who can be of better use to you and your cause."

Unable to help himself, Thor called out to the retreating back, "Coward." He did not receive even a glance of leftover annoyance over the shoulder.

* * *

_How am I supposed to find him now?_

Thor kicked a stale clump of snow out of his path as he strode on. A young couple walking a wolfish canine of ash-coloured pelt shuffled out of Thor's way warily. He had been wandering the city, head down and accumulating snowflakes in his cropped hair, for the past hour trying to wrap his brain around what was going on and what to do next. As the sun began paving the way for dusk, cheery-looking strings of tiny light bulbs were winking around him, lacing the trees, lampposts and the faces of stores lining the streets. The dancing dots of light illuminated the other peculiar decorations peeping out of windows nearby – circles of holly, and statues of deer, snowmen or a rotund bearded man in a red suit. The layer of light atop the trodden blankets of sleet threw the hundreds of overlapping footprints into sharp relief so Thor was like a giant surrounded by thousands of miniature white mountain ranges. He assumed the visual effect of the Christmas decorations was very pleasing; he scarcely looked up as he walked the streets, his mind not even yet touching plans for his food or lodging for the night.

What was this Loki up to?

Thor had seen his brother's face, actually seen it, after what felt like both so soon and far too long since he was ripped away from Thor. There was something Thor hated about being forced so soon back into his old mindset of suspicion of his brother again, like forcing his feet back into old, cramped shoes.

He supposed there _was_enough reason why Loki – this dimension or otherwise – would want to stay out of any more clashes with Thanos. Or with anything, really. Loki was – or had been, until recently – a serial survivor.

Thor faced the sky turning from purple-blue to black like a plum ripening. He tried to discern familiar constellations in the forest of diamond shards behind the winter clouds. There were probably beyond millions of universes out there, and many of them in peril. So why would Loki – this Loki, a Loki, any Loki – risk whatever he had left, for a universe or a brother that he had no loyalty to?

Thor brought his gaze back to Earth.

How was he supposed to persuade Loki to help in the next two days? Even if Loki did believe he came from an alternate universe. Thor was no Silvertongue.

If it came to physically _forcing_this Loki into their dimension – the idea of which repelled Thor – the only way Thor could think of to get him to help after that would be to –

But Thor refused.

Natasha said they have a foolproof backup plan if Loki failed to cooperate. But that did not apply to Thor being uncooperative with the idea. The burnished yellow of their third, hard-earned Infinity Gem was also bright in Thor's memory.

They would not use the Mind Stone like Thanos had, and not on an innocent. Thor envisioned a blank-faced, blue-eyed Loki obediently trailing behind Tony around his workroom, weaving between Iron Man suits and carrying boxes of electronic tools. He shunted the image to the back of his mind.

Thor's foot sent another lump of ice skittering away from him, clanging off a glowing lamppost. He ignored the disapproving stares from onlookers. He kept walking without direction. A sensible part of his brain registered the flecks of frost swirling in air were growing faster, wilder, and more numerous, but he ignored it. He rubbed his eyes. What if –

_Beeeeeeeeeep!_

_"__Move!"_

Thor backpedaled out of way of the speeding yellow car. He thought he heard its driver yell something crude through the car window glass before whooshing down the icy road. His heart was pounding against the layers of cotton and wool of his shirt and coat, though more from the sudden jerk from his reverie than the near collision. He glanced around to quickly thank the well-meaning stranger.

"You're kidding me." The voice was flatter than a frying pan.

Loki's eyes were nearly black in the sundown, narrowed at Thor with annoyance. "There, that's twice now – is that enough 'help' for you?"

It was a second before Thor broke through his surprise. His cheeks split into a beam. "Were you following me?"

"So you're either kidding or a lunatic." Loki muttered. He turned away from Thor the second time that day. "I follow these streets to get to where I need to be. Goodbye, now."

The chilly wind stinging his face and eyeballs, Thor immediately began jogging after him, not caring how it looked, and he called, "_Wait_."

Apparently Loki sensed that Thor would continue the pursuit if he did not cleanly extricate himself. The image of his brother spun to face him again, a shadow of caution on his face even in the assortment of light from the decorations, the lampposts, the moon.

"Sir, I really can't help you." His tone was as clipped as the old Asgardian palace hedges. "Except to avoid traffic accidents, apparently."

"I merely want to apologise for disconcerting you earlier today."

Thor did not have a plan of approach ready, no Hulk to roar at Loki to stay like Thor had with Brunnhilde on Sakaar, but apologising felt right. Or at least not wrong.

"That's… welcome." Loki's expression, his entire exterior, remained cold as if trying to camouflage with the winter around them. He did not ask for an explanation as Thor expected or hoped. Thor had the sensation of something slipping away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm sure we both want to get out of the oncoming snowfall…"

"Of course." Thor rummaged his brain for more to say. "Where are you going?"

Loki gave him a look that said he had no intention of answering.

Through the colourful lights and swirls of white, Thor watched him walk away.

Two days left.

The chance to persuade this man to help save their universe was shrinking the smaller his silhouette became with distance. Thor knew he should move, start walking after him again despite how unwelcome he would be, and think of something better to say that could possibly help bring him back.

Loki was now just a slip of shadow ahead of him. Thor could have mistaken him for a stranger.

He slowly let out an irritated breath. He would have to think of other ways to earn this Loki's trust. With two days left, Thor did not particularly like his chances, but he had very little else to do while stuck there.

But, if Thor really thought about it, he knew it was not the end of everything if he could not convince this Loki to return with him. Despite what Thor argued with the Avengers before, despite how useful Loki's knowledge, magic and experiences with the Stones and Mad Titan might be – the Avengers and the Guardians would still find a way to recover those lost in the Snap and defeat Thanos without him.

If Thor really thought about it, he would have to ask himself why it felt like it mattered so much whether or not he were to leave Loki behind with a bitter argument, a benevolent goodbye, or nothing at all.

If Thor really thought about it, it was not a question he needed to think too deeply about to answer.

And then, as though in spite of himself, Thor saw his brother glance over his shoulder.

Loki seemed to hesitate at the sight of Thor still standing there, unmoving, now ankle-deep in the pelting flecks of ice.

The rising snowstorm, or the fact that night had well and truly fallen before he had yet to find himself a bed under a ceiling, did not particularly bother Thor – a hundred trips to Jotunheim and every other branch in Yggdrasil made this seem like a leisurely Asgardian spring day. But if nothing else could be achieved tonight, he knew he should probably find housing, for appearances' sake if nothing else.

Loki was still hesitating ahead of him.

To Thor's near disbelief, the image of his brother appeared to shake his head and retrace his path back towards him, Loki's scarf, coat tails and hair tugged and flung wildly in the wind as if by a great icy hand.

(Fleetingly, Thor could see his brother in black armour, his face young and afraid, on their doomed journey to Jotunheim before it had sparked a war and eventually led Thor here)

This Loki stood before him, squinting against the harsh wind and snow. Despite the pressing weather, neither of them spoke for a few seconds – Thor, out of curiosity and slight wariness – though the painfully familiar quirked-eyebrow expression on Loki's face communicated volumes.

"Sir, I usually hate asking obvious questions, but why are you just standing in an oncoming blizzard?"

Thor could not help himself. "You're also standing in an oncoming blizzard," he pointed out.

"I'm standing in an oncoming blizzard because I've seen an idiot standing in an oncoming blizzard and I'm obligated to ask the idiot why he's standing in an oncoming blizzard."

Thor almost smiled, before he almost ached. This was too much like talking to his brother.

If they successfully executed their mad plan against Thanos and this man before him returned to this dimension afterwards, would it be like losing Loki again?

(Or if Thor's head gradually failed to separate this person from his true dead brother – would it be worse if this Loki stayed?)

"I was just making plans for where I should stay for the night." Thor invented. "If it's not obvious already, I'm new to this city."

"Let me guess, your previous location didn't have motor vehicle traffic?"

Thor pictured himself scoffing in response, reaching up to shove his brother's head good-naturedly.

He smiled politely. Folded his arms. Ached.

"You hadn't made plans before you arrived?" This version of his brother asked when Thor said nothing.

"This journey was sort of… spontaneous."

"No family or friends in the city that you could call upon?"

Thor smiled at the bleak truth of the statement. He found nothing less funny. "None."

"How about this," Loki offered guardedly after a thoughtful moment, "I'll help you book a room with a reliable hostel or hotel nearby, and then be on my way."

"That's probably as much as I can expect." This was probably as far as Thor could push his luck for one day. He would use the remaining two days more wisely. He hoped. "Thank you."

"…You're welcome." Loki nodded at one of the restaurants nearby with chattering customers, glittering wineglasses, and pearl white tablecloths visible through its glass walls. As they approached its swinging doors, the warmth, light, and aromas of frying meats and doughs radiated like a hearth. "I'm sure this place will let you use their phone."

"Table for two, sirs?" asked the smiling man with slicked silver hair behind the front counter expectantly, as the inviting heat and hum of diners hit them.

"My apologies, but if I could just borrow a phone instead," the Midgardian terms felt somewhat unwieldy on his tongue, "to book a hostel room?"

After the man directed them to the end of the long counter, a woman there in similar uniform proffered a silver and black rectangle of a device, and a slip of paper with scribbled hostel names and numbers. Loki said, "You could try Bezze Maine. It's moderately priced and quite close."

Thor started punching in the number sequence beside the scrawl "_Bezze Maine_" with the little grid of numbered buttons.

Some time later – they waited until the snowstorm exhausted itself somewhat – as the restaurant doors swung shut behind them, Thor found himself saying, "Sorry for taking up so much of your time, Br – Loki."

The frigid air nipped his nose, his cheeks, and his scalp through the shorn layer of his hair, but the gales had calmed so that every surface was capped with a smooth new dusting of white. The sprinkles of Christmas lights still danced in the trees and lampposts, like sparks from a forge or the last backlashes of light of Asgard ending. But it was a strangely tranquil scene.

Loki eyed him curiously. He said, somewhat wearily, "It doesn't really matter." Thor may have just imagined something cryptic about that answer.

Before they parted ways – Thor with Loki's spoken directions to the hostel; it was on a street parallel to Calling Avenue – Thor said with what he hoped was not finality, "thank you."

Loki shrugged. "That's what friends are for, apparently." If that was another jibe at Thor's claim of his and Loki's other-dimensional history, it did not sound as harsh.

* * *

When Thor finally fell asleep that night, he slept without dreaming. Today he had heard his brother's voice outside his own head. He did not need to dig through his subconscious to resurrect.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, I had to look up a lot of the famous landmarks in New York, and yes I realise it's probably not realistic that they walked from one to another so quickly, but honestly that won't be the weirdest thing in this story so if you've gotten this far I trust you can roll with it. **

**Also, thank you so so much for getting this far, and I hope you genuinely like it.**

** Guest reviewer: Thank you so much for pointing out the mistake in Chapter 2! I must have edited it last-minute before posting and removed the first time Thor calls Loki by his name. It should be fixed now :) **

* * *

Mornings tasted the same in this Midgard too. The woman at the counter wished him a lovely day as he left the Bezze Maine for the biting air. His thick-shoed feet crunched on the fresh crusts of snow on the streets. When he looked up, the sky was clearer than the night before. Slips of silver-blue peeked between clouds that were like colossal glaciers silently drifting across an upside-down ocean. Weak sunlight streamed down like ladders, as if an Asgard still existed above and his people would climb down to greet him...

_Right. _Thor's thoughts were glummer than the weather and scenery called for. _What now?_

"Fancy seeing you here," piped a dry voice.

_Stand around and wait for him to show up, apparently, _Thor answered himself, and brightened.

He could not believe his luck. "Truly, are you following me?" He kept the beam from his face this time.

He had never seen his brother in any Midgardian clothing more casual than a suit. Loki was dressed in winter gear similar to Thor, a new scarf – checkered with several shades of blue – wound around his neck.

The day was yet to ripen into mid-morning, and Thor had already slipped up. Even after today, he still would have never seen his brother in any casual Midgardian clothing. He was standing face to face with a stranger. No one else. No one more.

"I'm not stalking you if that's what you presume. I cut through this area nearly everyday."

Like Fate itself, Loki did not seem at all inclined to slow down, much less stop, as he neared. Thor fell into step alongside him as casually as he could. His companion gave a grudging sideways look, but otherwise did not protest. He was not openly accusing Thor of harassment, at least.

"To go to work?" He tried to imagine what this Loki did each day in his human façade – did he have a job, or simply conjure human money whenever he needed it for appearances? Did he live in a house? Did he still pretend when he thought he was alone?

"Usually, but that isn't where I go these days," Loki explained. "I'm on Christmas holiday right now."

When Thor had glanced out his hostel window at dawn, the streets and buildings were glittering with dustings of snow and sun. Now noise was thrown into the medley of city stimuli. The stores lining the streets began to open doors, window blinds, and lights as they passed, like a family yawning and blinking awake for the day. Two cheerful voices alternated somewhere several buildings ahead of them, with _good morning_'s and _how are you_'s.

"So where are you going?" Thor almost said 'we' but caught himself just in time – he got the feeling that still would not be received too warmly. He still needed to get this Loki to trust him.

_By Odin's beard, if I did that, it would be further than Loki and I got in the end. _

(He caught himself again – that was not quite true;

They had both been Odinsons in the end;

His brother had said so himself)

"Honestly?"

Apparently Loki did not mean it rhetorically, even though Thor's answer was obvious.

"Yes, honestly." The number of times Thor had insisted his brother be honest with him, he had long ago lost track. When Thor had stopped trying – even further back. "Where are you going?"

Proof that the Norns were cruel:

Loki – this Loki who lived in a world without Thor – answered, "I feel like I'm searching for someone."

Thor nearly stopped walking. Nearly stopped breathing.

"Like who?" He wondered aloud.

"I don't really know." Loki unexpectedly laughed in true earnest – a short sharp burst – for the first time since they had met.

And yet of course the sound was absolutely familiar.

(And for a moment Thor's breath did catch in his chest,

Like it had accidentally snagged on his heart that was giving a painful lurch)

"What do you mean?" Thor managed to ask. It took him an extra second. His breath fogged with each word – little pale puffs – as proof of his effort.

"I've always felt that way. Or for a long time, at least." Loki appeared unembarrassed, or bored of his own story like he had retold it many times, though whom this Loki might have around to tell it to Thor did not know.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this either. The comfort of a stranger's ear, I suppose. Although according to you we're actually friends in another dimension…?" The question lifted like a raised eyebrow, and with the same sort of impudence that Thor would otherwise hate if it did not make this man – this stranger – sound so much like –

He did not reply, too busy he was cursing the Norns and the whole forest of Yggdrasils.

"Sorry." Loki let the word hang in the air, a single cloud of misted breath. Their pace was brisk, so it was soon left behind. When Thor still did not speak, Loki elaborated.

"On days that I have spare time, I travel a little further than the last. It's all meaningless, though. I don't think it really qualifies as searching for someone either, if I don't exactly stop and talk to anyone. I just wander. I think my number of laps of the city since I started years ago is well into the hundreds now." He seemed to scoff at himself.

Thor still could not bring himself to give even a half-smile. They walked in relative silence.

Maybe his brother naturally could never exist as a whole person. Only ever a half of two. Maybe that was something unchanged – unchangeable – regardless of which universe, regardless of which Loki. And in this particular universe, maybe Loki did not know anything other than being only a half.

"And your count of people you've found?" Thor asked eventually, despite the obviousness of the answer.

"Zero," came the answer anyway. The following silence was not heavy, just profound, like a deep breath.

"So where to today?" Thor asked for the third time.

"Just around," Loki responded somewhat cryptically. "If you're new around here though, I suppose we could make it a tour."

* * *

"We're now in Central Park."

They were cutting through what looked to Thor like an expanded Asgardian palace courtyard that he imagined would be crammed with blooming flora and colour in the warmer seasons. As it were, clusters and rows of trees stretched their dark limbs to the pale sky as if in worship. They were bare except for sprinklings of snow that would be shed with the next breath of wind.

He and Loki crossed one of the stone bridges spanning the lake that cut through the parkland. If the water was unfrozen beneath the surface, it was not visible; the pulse of a hibernating beast. People danced over the canvas of ice without choreography – they grouped, split, and regrouped into couples, families, and lone figures. Their gliding steps carved a web of lines into the lake surface, now like a frosted glass window. Thor had seen this before, one winter a few years ago in the New York of his home universe. _Ice skating_, Steve Rogers had informed him when Thor had asked.

Thor had to admit quietly to himself that he was still so used to regarding Asgard as the ultimate realm, even after its ruin, even after learning where all that gold had come from. It sometimes still surprised him whenever the beauty or ingenuity of human creations exceeded it.

By contrast, he was fairly unsurprised that Loki was a terrible tour guide. His lack of enthusiasm and abundance of cynicism – not least towards crowds of bustling citizens – made Thor wonder what exactly was the appeal for him in wandering the city so regularly.

"As you can see, the lovely lake is extremely popular in winter for ice skaters, and accidents." Several cries and yells – mostly children's, soprano and falsetto – punctuated his statement. "No, I'm not taking you ice skating."

"I see."

A while later: "The Metropolitan Museum of Art." Loki gestured with a vague hand at the intricate building, barely in the correct direction. "If you want to go inside, I'll wait out here." Other tourists milled in and out beneath its arches contentedly.

And again: "The Brooklyn Bridge." Thor had seen more time and formality dedicated to treading upon an ant than Loki gave to the structure – (nice enough, like a stone version of a bridge in Asgard, and Thor assumed it worked just fine as a bridge) – before moving on unceremoniously.

"Times Square. Forever crowded, and will be exceptionally so in a few weeks on New Year's Eve."

"We're not going near it, are we?"

"How well you know me already."

Thor snorted. "Why don't we just take whatever route you had planned before this 'tour' so we skip the landmarks and crowds you hate?"

"That route is much less exciting for your first trip to New York."

"Very considerate of you, but you're not exactly radiating enthusiasm about this one."

"Good point." The little blockish person-shaped lights on the electronic lampposts marking the street corners began flashing from red to green. Again unceremoniously, Loki beckoned for Thor to join him crossing the road, as if Thor was not obviously following him wherever he went. "This way."

* * *

"By the way, I've never really called anyone 'sir' before."

They were cutting through a quiet park, much quieter than the Park in the Centre, when Loki asked Thor his name.

"You obviously found my name somehow but never told me yours."

"…I'm…"

Thor never thought he would be introducing himself to his brother.

"Thor." The syllable translated into another wisp of misted breath, conspicuous as a clap of thunder.

What would Thor say if he had the chance to reintroduce himself?

To start over?

"Interesting name." Loki said after a second. He flicked a sideways glance. "Not in a bad way, of course."

(Would it make any difference?)

There was that curious penetrating look of Loki's again. It was as though a thick glass wall stood between them but that only Thor was obstructed by. He could say_I'm here, Brother,_and it would never reach the right ears.

Another thing Thor realised – this Loki had not asked or assumed that Thor must know him through a mutual friend, or was an accessory of a hoax played by a coworker, or anything else of the sort.

Not for the first time since arriving, Thor wondered just how many versions of his brother existed alone.

* * *

They kept walking, or searching without looking. Thor noticed this Loki would only spare the most fleeting of glances at the human life around them. Most of the time, his gaze seemed to hover just above the horizon, like he really was searching for something beyond his reach.

Thor wondered if that was what he himself looked like these days.

And even as he talked and explored details of this Loki's life as stealthily as he could, he was keenly aware of the leftover time slipping away from him, as if trying to catch dust motes in the air with his bare hands, his fingers grasping uselessly at the suspended particles.

But, still, Thor pried about the one thing he knew he could not go without asking about.

"Do you have any family around?"

He watched the image of his brother's face react. Its only change was to give him an almost-amused glance.

"To be honest, I've lost contact with practically all of them." There was that unashamed, disinterested countenance again. "I've no siblings or other relatives around whom I was ever close to."

"I see."

Thor remembered telling his real brother on Sakaar – _our paths diverged a long time ago._

What would they have been like if they had really listened to the Norns and had gone their separate ways?

(Centuries ago, Frigga had once told him of something Loki had said cryptically to her; the scrap of a memory lingered, buried among others and covered in dust;

_I am Loki only, and I am alone_) **

Strangely, back then, he had read Loki's reaction easily. Thor recalled being satisfied that the thought had pained his brother. As he did, guilt corroded his insides so savagely he wondered how he had any insides left at all.

(Thor was becoming more and more used to regret these days,

But he would give anything to take those words back.

Or to have been that good at noticing Loki's pain from the start)

"And your parents?" Thor probed.

He was suddenly unsure what he expected to hear, or hoped – what role Loki had played in their parents' deaths in this life.

But they were only _this_Loki's parents, Thor reminded himself. It would not change a thing if they had died peacefully.

The part of him that sought consolation tried to speak – if Loki had catalysed their deaths here too, it placed no more fault on Thor's own brother. As if his brother's memory needed any further tarnishing.

Loki's answer did not give him much. "My parents died a while ago, so no contacts there either." He half laughed. The sound was brittle and humourless enough that it dampened rather than sparked any of Thor's waiting anger.

(Still that constant rifling of the sky with his green gaze, as if he was waiting for something to reach down)

"Do you miss them?" Thor heard himself ask.

The stranger beside Thor let the conversation rest for several moments; it rode on their shoulders as their footfalls crunched a peaceful rhythm.

"More than anything."

(But, he was in a different universe – that answer should not change a thing either)

The chilled concrete, freely caked with the bouts of snowfall, slowly morphed into industriously swept timber planks beneath their heels that made their footsteps sound woody and hollow. They were entering a sort of seaport, an unfamiliar mixture of snow and sea salt tingling Thor's nose. The ocean was grey and restless like one of his storms. A twin pair of crimson ships with towering masts stood to attention at the docks. Along the port, they passed colourful booths selling steaming food to shivering customers, and fishermen stacking crates sparkling with ice and odd-looking, freshly caught sea creatures.

Thor would probably miss the way the surrounding humans were ignoring him. Despite the ticking clock he knew hung over his head a dimension away, it was strangely restful being in a world in which he had never existed. Although, it would be more so, if the person next to him would stop lying about knowing nothing, and just believe him and agree to help.

(It did not help that, no matter how many times Thor reminded himself, he could not stop seeing his brother in this living stranger's face)

Thor could not help himself. "So, really no siblings?"

(What was it like without Thor?)

The number of times Loki regarded him as if hunting through Thor's mind, Thor had the feeling he would soon lose count.

"None that I know of." Still that shrewd look. "Why? Do you?"

But then it would make everything much easier if Loki could just read his mind – it would leave Thor with only convincing him to care enough to travel to a new dimension and risk his life to conquer a Mad Titan.

_And how difficult could that possibly be? _Thor thought.

"I – "

He moistened his dry lips, as if to let the truth slip out more easily.

"None." Yet another disconcerting experience, using verbal sleight-of-hand like his Loki had.

This Loki contemplated that carefully before changing the subject, maybe to deflect Thor's inquisitions, or in response to the faltering in Thor's voice, or both.

"And what's it like…" Loki's expression and tone were deadpan, "…where you're from?"

Thor ignored the cynicism weighing down the tail end of the question.

"Just like this world."

Seabirds cooed and whirled languidly overhead. The footsteps of the merchants and sightseers around them were a far cry from the charging feet in Wakanda, or Sokovia, or another version of New York ushered into chaos by someone like that beside him.

"Or at least, it used to be."

They slowed midstride on a wordless cue; it was just easier to carry the heavy words. It was easier to absorb the peaceful surroundings. Taken aback by the sudden wistfulness in his own voice, Thor added in explanation, "Right now it's horribly panicky because half of its population was recently killed by Thanos, when he snapped his fingers with – "

"And now you're losing me again," Loki interrupted. He absently waved away a nearby vendor who had hurried over to proffer a platter of grilled spiced tentacles, mistaking their pause for interest in her pungent wares.

Thor said rather loudly, "Before you dismiss my story as fiction, you could at least listen – "

His brother's head was tilted. His expression was innocently curious, and staring at Thor expectantly, as grave as the ocean.

"As in… what I'm doing right now?" Loki said. He still appeared guarded, but more like someone cautiously dipping a foot into the water before stepping in.

Thor frowned at him, thinking.

"If that's the story you're sticking with," Loki was saying, "you may as well tell me all of it."

* * *

As welcome as it was that this Loki was apparently now willing to listen, it meant that he must be still lying – Loki should already _know _all that Thor knew, from his fall into the Void, to the Stones, to the Mad Titan.

Shouldn't he?

As he recounted the events that were burned in his brain to his companion, Thor sensed another insight about to fully dawn on him, unpleasant and necessary as palace rules or admonishments from Odin.

If Thor had never existed in this universe, if this Loki had been his parents' only and eldest son – then how had that changed their fate?

Had Loki been crowned Asgard's king from the start?

Had he even fallen from the Bifrost?

(Still disconcerting Thor even more – why was this Loki on Midgard pretending to be human?)

(Or more troubling still – did he even know he was not?)

Thor realised he was frowning severely as he spoke, his mind grappling to reorder his thoughts. He really should have spent more time when he awoke that morning to adapt himself to this different timeline. This different Loki. The other possible pathways this dimension could be on now, like a runaway train on different tracks. He consciously smoothed the crease from his forehead, aware of Loki scrutinising him like a collector examining artifacts for forgeries. Confusion and budding theories still swam behind Thor's eyes, disordered as the rubbish dump on Sakaar.

_There are a lot of risks we need to prepare for, _Banner had cautioned earlier. But they had still hoped – even believed – something useful would still come of this journey. Otherwise they would have changed directions, never opening that portal, starting on a different tactic to overthrow Thanos and recover what they had lost. At least only one of them had ventured through – Thor had no doubt the others were working on other strategies as he and his pseudo-brother here talked.

If things had turned out so differently –

Would this Loki know anything of use to them?

* * *

Thor had made it to midafternoon so far without quarrel.

" – So I ventured through the portal to this dimension, and they will reopen it tomorrow afternoon, at the point where we met, near that road where I was nearly hit by traffic. Twice. And I'll go back, with or without you, though we would prefer _with_…"

When he finally finished, there was the longest lull yet. Their surroundings and scenery had metamorphosed again by the end of his explanation – the seaport was left behind, while they had gradually drifted deeper into the city where the buildings, angles, and sounds became sleek and manmade. With each step of the transformation, Loki's demeanour, if not hostile, also became more reserved. When Thor quieted, trying to gauge his reaction, he may as well be trying to read blank paper with his eyes shut.

"So, this other 'me' committed various, grim crimes." Loki surmised, his tone without inflection but the question mark undoubtedly in there somewhere. "And, I'm your brother."

"In my home universe only," Thor emphasised. He did not know if that was meant to reassure him about the criminalities or the family tie. "When my friends located and studied this dimension, they saw there's no version of me here, so that must mean our universes' timelines diverged at some crucial point eons ago – "

"And now, in your home world, there's no me."

It easier to admit it to a stranger than to himself. It was part of an explanation, not an acceptance.

"Yes."

"Hm," was all Loki said, followed by a quietness as thick as fog.

When Thor and his brother had been much younger, Loki's murky silences had never really scared him. But, a handful of times, Thor would feel the faintest prickle of unease, as uncomfortable as being deaf or blindfolded, and with the same uncertainty of what to do or respond with next.

A handful of times only, before Thor became unfazed by nothing and could talk and laugh enough to fill those voids –

(When it was quiet like this, though, there was nothing to indicate that this Loki was not his brother_, _and Thor could almost pretend – )

The lifetime of a god saw hundreds of human gravestones in passing. _Rest In Peace, _many said. Why could his little brother never let him mourn in peace? Even in death, Loki caused him trouble like no other.

What Thor would not give to have him back.

Thor's legs felt like they would fall forever into this tempo of walking, like the second hand of a ticking clock. They – Thor and this stranger with his brother's face, voice, and nothing else – spent much of the next few minutes in the silence. For the first time, they could have been both thinking of the same version of Loki.

When the silence was so heavy even the glacial breeze did nothing to stir it, Loki said, "You realise there still isn't any reason for me to believe any of this."

"You're searching for someone." Thor said it without thinking; he sounded faintly hopeful.

A frigid second passed before Loki replied, "I said I felt like I was, but I also said it isn't anything – " His voice was composed, but it had a hard undertone, like a flat ocean over its seafloor.

"Yet you walk this city everyday, so obviously you _are_– "

Loki skewered him with a glance like a dart. "I've told you, I know nothing about your Infinity Stones, or Titans, or wars, or a _brother_– " That sensation again of something slipping away from Thor.

"But who do you feel like you're searching for?"

"Not your busi – "

"So you don't believe me, but how can I believe you that you don't know anything?"

"This is ridiculous." His companion was shaking his head. "No, we passed ridiculous back at Calling Avenue, I should have included that in the tour – "

"You told me to tell you what I'm doing here."

Suddenly there was only empty space beside Thor, and for a moment he thought his brother had teleported. It took him three more steps in the ice-white carpet before he turned to face the reflection of his brother standing stock still in the snow, except now this man seemed more like an echo.

"That has nothing to do with what _I_am doing here." Loki's tone was back to cold civility. It added enough chill to the air to make winter unnecessary. "You won't find anyone much more mundane than me."

What it must have felt like for his little brother centuries ago, to insist and insist that he was not mundane, and for it to fail. Would he have felt gratified that, somewhere, a version of him was doing the opposite?

Thor said, "If the things I claim only aggravate you, then why let me hang around for this long? That's kind of weird on your part, you know."

Even as he asked, the answer was already as obvious to him as a slap to the face or a punch in the gut. He had already contemplated upon it that morning, when he had first fallen into step with one of the increasingly few living versions of his brother.

How many of Loki existed as a mere half of two?

(_I am Loki only, _

_And I am alone_)

The thought somehow left Thor himself feeling strangely adrift.

"Because you remind me of someone," Loki said at last. Suddenly he looked weary. Thor did not have it in him to ask him who.

"I think we should go back now," Loki said, and it was like quietly popping a soap bubble, or the sober morning after a moonlit festival, or the novelty of winter fading. The light of perception on his face said quite clearly that he knew Thor understood. It also said clearly he rejected whatever pity Thor felt. "Or I will. You do what you want." He lilted his head in a curt goodbye before moving away.

Their paths diverged.

* * *

It took a few annoying minutes, but Thor caught up to him.

"You know, you could have just walked back the same route we'd taken instead of doing this loop through that alley. I'm not as familiar with these streets as you," he said reproachfully.

He got a profile view of Loki rolling his eyes. Thor really did not need more to add to the gallery in his memory, but he added it anyway.

They said nothing on their way back to Calling Avenue.

* * *

****Allusion to my other fic We Will Never Part, because… I can. But I'm pretty sure the line _I am Loki only, and I am alone _originally comes from comic Loki – I didn't come up with it myself, as much as I would have liked to.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thought I should do a quick update in this bit of downtime I have right now (: **

**Frankly, even if you decide to stop reading this story or only skim-read this chapter, I'd love it if you read at least the last two sentences of my author's notes at the bottom of this page. **

**But here's the chapter anyway, in case, y'know, you want to read it. Enjoy!**

* * *

The roads and buildings around them were starting to look familiar. The guts of some stores lit up as others dimmed with the falling dusk, so the streets were like giant jaws with several missing teeth. Soon, Thor knew he would see the restaurant they had entered the night before to ask for a phone; the black-clothed workers might be straightening furniture in preparation for opening. The tiny lights strung above their heads like clouds of fireflies were also flickering back to life, street by street, casting the night from gloomy grey to blue and white gold.

With the coming nighttime, thoughts of Thor's next and last day in this parallel universe started to bud. If this Loki really was ignorant – and innocent, and useless – where did that leave Thor until the others reopened the portal to let him back home?

The whole way back when they began speaking again, as subtly as Thor could question him, Loki still revealed nothing that hinted he had experienced anything to do with Thanos or the Stones. More than that, he gave no hint that he had even known any life other than that on Midgard – but, Thor thought, that had to be a lie.

The realisation occurred to him that if he wereto force Loki to their home dimension and use the Mind Stone, Loki's claims at knowing nothing of Thanos or the Stones – if they were indeed only deception – would be overturned easily. Even things Loki himself did not realise he knew would be unearthed from the depths and peaks of his mind, just as Selvig and Barton had described their own experiences after the Chitauri invasion. Thor could get this Loki to meet him the next day near Calling Avenue where the portal would appear. He had the feeling Loki would agree. It was not like he had anyone else to be with.

If indeed Loki's show of ignorance was only a deception – which it had to be.

But even so, Thor pushed the idea away again, as easy as it might make his job.

His initial problem remained – how to get this Loki to believe him at all about where he came from, and their need for his help. Perhaps getting him to witness the portal reopening was not a bad idea.

But then, Thor decided, that would be where he would let Loki choose what to do next. If he still wanted to walk away uninvolved after that, Thor would let him.

"Another night at the Bezze Maine?"

Thor blinked. The name of the hostel flickered like a faulty light in his brain before it fully clicked. "Er, yes. I suppose so."

"And," he added as indifferently as he could, "Tomorrow where will you be?"

Loki shrugged. "Around, I presume."

They were on Earth, surrounded by plastic Christmas decorations and humans on their way home, and this was not his brother. But Thor could imagine it was him standing in Jotunheim's snow, the unlit buildings like the dark cliff faces of the frozen planet.

Loki added, "It's Christmas tomorrow – just for your information since you don't celebrate it being from Asgard and all – " Thor ignored the jab " – but I never really make an effort for the special day."

"Then meet me here again tomorrow noon, and you'll see proof of my universe." Thor said. "And that we need your help."

The night was silent as the offer sat between them, as bold, shiny and suspicious as a jewel. It lit a glint in Loki's eye that reminded Thor of his brother's hidden knives.

If they were leaving the decision until then, how would Thor spend the rest of his time there?

"Like I said, it's not like I really had any other glaring plans." Loki shrugged again, with more nonchalance than he must have felt. "I may as well see an inter-dimensional portal open for Christmas."

If they were leaving the decision until then, then could he have just one more day with his brother?

(If his real Loki could speak – _You know, Brother, this will only make mourning that much harder_)

Thor forced the thought away. It did not get very far; it snagged on his heart.

"Deal."

* * *

The green and white painted street sign finally greeted them: Calling Avenue.

There was no falling snow tonight, but the air still tingled like Yggdrasil rustling its leaves.

"I'm not going to lie," Loki began. "This has been a strange day."

Thor had to agree. "Even for me."

There was a slight pause, where Thor could hardly glean his companion's features, much less his expression.

"Well, then… Merry Christmas Eve." Thor saw a dusk-muffled motion – Loki giving him another nod goodbye.

"Merry Christmas Eve," Thor copied. But before Loki made it five steps further down the footpath, Thor asked, "Why did you let me to hang around while you did your… searching?"

Only half-turning back towards him, Loki replied, "Why not? It will be a novelty. An interesting anecdote to tell after we part ways."

"But who would you recount it to?"

Thor might have heard a quiet scoffing laugh before Loki fell silent for a moment, until Thor thought he might not answer. But then the answer was again so obvious that he did not need to.

"No one," said Loki. "I'll have no one to tell."

Unexpectedly he turned around completely and his strange smile was clear even through the darkness. His voice was wistful as a penny down a wishing well. "It won't be an anecdote then. A memory."

Thor swallowed before a lump could swell in his throat. He shook the image of his real brother from his head. "Goodnight," the familiar voice chimed again, with unfamiliar politeness.

Thor wondered if this Loki searched the skies at night too. "Goodnight, Brother."

_Brother? _

Thor imagined his real brother's bloodied face breaking into a grin that crumbled in an instant because it was so dry.

Despite the surrounding gloom, Thor squeezed his eyes shut briefly – he cringed at his own forgetfulness.

(At his ever-present grief)

His brother – his real brother – would never leave his head. Believing anything else was to delude himself.

Sentiment.

(_Easier to let it burn_, as his brother himself once said)

But if Thor could ever find out, he would bet everything he had that, in the end, his Loki would not want to be forgotten.

(I thought the world of you)

There was a shapeless silence that was difficult to read in the frigid darkness. Thor heard this Loki – this stranger – stop walking again, so Thor added, and hoped the words penetrated the blackness and cold: "Goodnight. Just goodnight."

No cynicism came in response, as if this Loki was too tired to disbelieve it. "See you tomorrow… friend."

And Thor knew – he knew he knew he knew – it was not him, not _his _Loki, who was never returning to him alive, but still Thor thought he heard something like loss tinge his brother's – this stranger's – voice.

* * *

The little luminous green numbers beside his head winked once, like a clue. They suddenly now said _03:17 AM_

Thor had never been one to strictly adopt Midgard's numerical timekeeping, but he knew this reading usually appeared when he would normally be asleep. Not that he was normally in another dimension, or in the midst of a war with a Mad Titan and most of his friends missing, either.

The mattress under his bones was not uncomfortable, and the pillow his head was imprinting was scented with crisp night air. The noises of his hostel neighbours were only muted hums of distant voices and footsteps, like a simple impromptu lullaby. What kept him awake was the uncertainty.

Until now, Thor was still unsure whether or not this Loki was only feigning… humanity. At first, he had assumed from the other Avengers' information that this dimension had followed essentially the same timeline as their own, with this Loki included. Thor had assumed any indication that this Loki had not experienced the same experiences, or had not the same – useful – knowledge, of his dead brother was just a lie.

But, he was now realising,

But if,

But if Thor had never existed in this universe,

Then maybe this Loki's life had diverged from his brother's, far earlier than Thor had originally assumed.

If this Loki had been his parents' eldest and only son, had he been crowned Asgard's king from the start?

Had he even fallen from the Bifrost?

And still the most confusing to Thor – why was he on Earth living like a human?

Did he really know he was not?

Simultaneously wearied and wide-awake, blanketed by cool linen and the dark of the room, Thor tried to speculate even though his brain felt as disordered as the rubbish dump on Sakaar. Perhaps in this dimension, Loki's birth mother – or Odin and Frigga, for whatever reason – had hidden Loki away on Earth instead of deciding to raise him. Perhaps they had entrusted him to human parents that had, according to this Loki, died some time ago. Despite his dogged investigations all of yesterday, Thor had not the brashness to ask how they had died – _I don't want to talk about it, if you don't mind, _this Loki had said shortly.

_How's _and _why's _still darted around Thor's head like spooked fish. Even as he tried, he doubted he would be able to theorise this stranger's full history himself. But whatever it was, maybe this Loki really was much more innocent, and knew much less, than Thor's brother.

He would meet Loki at noon where the portal would appear, but even if this Loki did believe him and want to help, it might not be what they were after. The thought made Thor want to growl – this journey might have been for nothing.

(The thought made him want to clutch his head and scream –

What peace could his real brother have had if he had never had Thor?)

_It's probably for the best that we never see each other again_

(But, this Loki was always searching for something)

_Sometimes I'm envious, but never doubt that I – _

Thor's existence had hurt his brother. Thor's lack of existence did, too.

Before his brain finally slowed its spinning enough to slip into shallow sleep, he made one more decision: the last several hours before meeting this echo of his brother, should Loki decide to remain in this world, would be spent planning how to say sorry, and goodbye.

* * *

**"…his brain felt as disordered as the rubbish dump on Sakaar"**

**That was pretty much how I felt when attempting to plan, write, and self-edit this atrocity. (And yet I keep updating…)**

**Still, I hope it's settling into your own brain decently enough. Thank you, again, for being here (: You're a small but solid part of my world.**


	5. Chapter 5

**And again! :)**

**Although, I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling strangely stressed at not keeping up with chapter updates of fics I'm following because I'm busy with other things - please read at your own time and only when you feel like it. xxoo**

* * *

The sun was not up yet, but its pallor tinted the sky outside his window. It looked like the corner of a navy handkerchief dipped in bleach. For an instant, Thor thought he was in Asgard. Then, like every time he awoke on the Grandmaster's ship, he shook the treacherous notion away.

As soon as the front counter was staffed, he thanked the woman there with a departing smile. He stepped out into the deserted morning's chill. If Thor had thought a good night's sleep – not that he had gotten even that – would bring insight into what Loki would decide, or divulge, upon seeing the portal reopen, he would have been wrong.

"Good thing I didn't get my hopes up," Thor said aloud to the street beginning to stir.

"Good thing getting my hopes up isn't something I really do anymore," he added.

He had about five hours of nothing but contemplating how to leave things between him and the Loki here, should he need to.

Thor decided to go for a walk.

As he did, he began to suspect five hours would not suffice.

What would he have said to his brother back then if he knew Loki would die that day?

Thor's last words to his brother had not been an apology, or a goodbye.

_You really are the worst, Brother_

(True to form, his little brother had argued back covertly, even on the brink of death)

(_I swear to you – _

But now it was like Thor could rewrite their latest separation.

_ – my undying fidelity_)

He knew it would really change nothing, in the end. But if his little brother really was gone, there was less harm in a little more hurt.

As the street scrolled by, Thor ran through the possible outcomes of that noon in his head. This Loki would see the portal, and he might finally believe Thor, admit he was Asgardian-Jotun with all of Thor's brother's knowledge, and agree to help. Or he could believe Thor and divulge all, and tell him to go to Hel.

"Or," Thor recited to the empty space beside him, "He sees the portal, finally believes me, says it's incredible but that he can't do anything to help, so I say goodbye and leave him here."

A nastier thought suddenly occurred to him that made his steps slow.

"If he shows up at all," Thor added aloud.

It was a fair possibility. Thor had heard the common human adage 'stranger danger'_._Really, if that did happen, it was essentially the same outcome as this Loki deciding to stay behind at noon, and Thor saying goodbye. Except that Thor would not get to say goodbye.

There was still over four hours left until noon, but the dip in Thor's spirits, which had not started particularly high that morning, made him turn around. The street scrolled by in reverse.

"If he shows up at all," Thor muttered again, nodding to himself.

"Excuse me? What do you take me for?"

The wry voice announced his presence like the day before.

Thor's grin was broader with relief, which was heavier – lighter – than he realised it would be. He turned around. He saw his brother's wry expression to match.

"Well, you weren't exactly warming to me, what with the two near traffic accidents and me calling you a coward."

Loki scoffed, "What are you talking about? I gave you a tour and everything."

"I meant that I wouldn't have blamed you."

There was more weight in Thor's words than he had intended, though they had been with a different person in mind.

This Loki said lightly, "I'm here."

(They had just defeated the Goddess of Death, they had just saved Asgard, and his little brother was smiling at him reassuringly with the crystal stopper in his fist)

Thor's reply stuck in his throat for an instant too long. After all, he was not a liar by nature. "I know."

"But our meeting isn't until noon," he said after another moment.

"I know," Loki said too. Thor suddenly sensed his companion was hiding a smile. "I pass by this area nearly everyday. You just happened to be standing out here. Merry Christmas, by the way." He bowed his head a fraction in goodbye, the way Thor was becoming familiar with, before he strode past.

With a sigh, Thor jogged to catch up.

* * *

"Your usual plans, today?" Thor asked. "Before noon, obviously."

Loki looked thoughtful. "It depends."

"On?"

"What were you planning on doing before noon?"

"I was planning on planning for whatever you would do upon seeing the portal." It sounded nearly humorous like that.

"How greatly our plans depend on each other," Loki mused.

"Strange."

"Stupid."

"That could mean you have a bigger future on the other side, in my home universe," Thor said halfheartedly.

"Watch your mouth, friend," Loki murmured. "I might just believe you."

He sounded nearly sincere. Thor wondered what it was like when things actually went according to plan.

What if it turned out that this Loki really was a version of his brother, who brandished magic and had once held two of the Stones, who survived the Void, and had terrorised Earth? Come noon, what if he actually agreed to help?

"Imagine that," Thor replied.

He wondered – would it condemn this man to the same kind of end that had claimed his brother?

"And it's not even been two days," Loki added. He sounded too calm for the disquiet in Thor's head; too calm for his fate.

The ghost of his brother was on his other side as if it had followed him through the portal. In Thor's head, they – the three of them – became a picture of symmetry, except for the acrid smile on his brother's bleeding face, and his bruised throat.

_Replacing me again already, Thor?_

_My, you're getting really good at that. _

Thor could still feel it – that ache, deeper than his bones, for the resolution to the terrible promise Loki had made him, and yet he knew he would be waiting forever if he let himself believe it.

_You promised we would meet again somehow, _Thor wished he could argue back. _Something about sunshine. Melodramatic as always. _

And if Loki could speak, or laugh at him: _This wouldn't be what I meant._

_It's better than nothing, _Thor would say.

Even as he craved for possibility of having the very conversation, he reconsidered that. His brother would not even bother frowning.

_Is it, Thor?_

"Maybe…" Thor began. There was the familiar inquisitive eyebrow quirk on his companion's – his friend's – face. But Thor let the sentence hover and fade unfinished. However, the feeling of indecision that had plagued him since the first day was rising uncomfortably like a bruise.

What if all Thor could ever do to any Loki was doom him to a sacrificial death?

If Thor did lead this Loki to his home universe, thoughts of what Thanos might do to him if he discovered his existence made Thor's stomach clench, bracing itself for the weight of his heart sinking.

So maybe...

"Don't say you're having second thoughts after everything you've tried to tell me." Loki's tone was careless.

"Second thoughts? My brother would have loved if I had that many." Thor braced himself. "I stand by my account."

"But," he added solemnly, "Last night I thought it through even more, and I think it's actually a bad idea."

Loki tilted his head, as though tipping the idea on its side to view it differently. "That I 'help' you and your other dimension?"

Thor answered, "That you even go as far as meeting me later to see the way there."

They made it several more paces before speaking again. Despite the growing sounds of traffic, people and opening stores in the street, their surroundings barely filled in the silence, like decorating an empty palace with one vase.

"I see," Loki said simply. Thor sensed his veiled wariness growing, and his confusion.

"I mean it, Loki." Thor kept his voice mild but confident. But even if he insisted, Thor realised he had no real way of stopping him from turning up if he wanted to.

"I see," Loki repeated. "But why?"

"I get the feeling it could turn out badly if you did, in fact, join me over there." He hoped his ominous vagueness would close the decision.

"You realise then I'd be rather less inclined to believe anything you've told me about this other universe and intergalactic war going on?" Loki's tone told him there was still considerable disbelief regardless.

"Exactly." Thor said. "I think we should just leave it at that."

He knew he knew he knew he would never get his brother back, that Loki could maybe now rest in peace – but Thor had not realised how much he had wanted this second goodbye.

Even if it were really with a stranger. Even if it really changed nothing.

"So, this was all just a strange hoax then?" Loki could have been commenting about the weather.

"Well, I give you my word that all I've said about my home and its predicament is true." Thor said. "But my word is all I'm giving you."

Because he did not know how to explain his wish to keep at least one version of his little brother safe. As if that could somehow make it up to the one he had failed.

"But you're denying me the opportunity to see a real, live, inter-dimensional portal for Christmas," this Loki said, and Thor was surprised at how easily he could read how his dry tone concealed genuine disappointment. "That's all I wanted for Christmas."

Thor was surprised there was more than disappointment in his expression, hidden though it was.

_(I am Loki only, and I am alone)_

Loki's gaze flitted up to the sky like lost birds, searching uselessly.

"I'm sorry." Thor had not realised how much he meant it, to this Loki as well as his brother, as if the latter were also there.

Loki shrugged. "I suppose you have your reasons."

"This must amount to a very strange, pointless three days for you."

"Seeing a gateway open into another dimension would have made them more worthwhile, yes." Loki nodded. "But if you insist, let's just keep this as a memory."

They had reached a familiar landscape of bare trees and smooth snow. Thor recognised the frozen lake.

_It's probably for the best that we never see each other again _–

"I guess that would be best," Thor agreed.

His brother's words on Sakaar had not hurt him back then; Thor had not really believed them, nor the prospect of never reuniting after that day.

(_I, Loki – _)

It had not felt like a true goodbye.

(_– prince of Asgard – _)

As neither had the last time Thor saw his real brother.

(_…Odinson_)

If this casual farewell with this stranger was the only goodbye Thor could get with his brother, he was going to still take it.

"What now, then?" Loki asked. It sounded strange – it was usually when he and his brother had been children when Loki would think to ask him for that kind of guidance.

"I know." This Loki answered himself before Thor could. He looked as though he nearly smiled. "How about a tour?"

* * *

A half-hour later, they stood just shy of the edge of the frozen lake. Of Central Park, Thor recalled. Today, it was as deserted as the gray sky it mirrored.

"Most people are probably spending family time at home this morning," Loki remarked, by way of explanation.

Thor turned to him. "So what are we doing?" He tried not to emphasise the word _we_.

But Loki only smiled. Before them, the lake shimmered like the surface of the moon.

Thor stated the obvious. "We're not wearing ice skates."

"You're stating the obvious."

"How are we supposed to ice-skate then?"

"I told you before, I'm not taking you ice skating."

At that, Loki simply stepped onto the thick winter ice in his thick winter boots. He continued several paces into the lake before glancing over his shoulder at Thor.

"Coming?"

Thor sighed. If the ice broke beneath them, Thor could save both of them easily, although it would be followed by the weirdest version of 'Get Help' yet.

"Why are we crossing the lake?" He asked when he deftly caught up.

"What's on the other side of the lake?" Loki asked.

Thor paused at the question like a visible tripwire. "I don't know. You're the one who lives here. I haven't been there before."

"Exactly. I'll show you before you go."

* * *

Thor was anticipating something momentous on the other side of the lake. Something personal to this Loki that would make crossing the wide, glassy field more profoundly worthwhile. He did not know what exactly. Perhaps a different part of the city that underlay important childhood memories, or some sort of memorial for their – Loki's – parents, or even whatever dwelling this Loki called home.

He was greeted with none of that when they reached the other side. This Loki stepped from ice onto the grass of more parkland that crunched under their feet. They wove through more frozen gardens, grounds, paths and bridges. Thor saw a broken birds nest at the base of a fence picket; an old red car parked on the side of a wider road and clogged with snow; the root of an oak tree so big it could have been a bridge.

For a goodbye, it was anticlimactic. It was infinitely better than whatever Thor had expected.

They talked of nothing important as they walked, and yet Thor wondered if it was his imagination or this Loki may have hardly glanced up at the sky all morning. He may have seemed like he was not searching for anything he could not find.

The hours sifted by, and this Loki mentioned it before Thor did:

"Time to go back."

His face was calm. Thor both craved for and recoiled from the memory of his real brother's face instead; bloodied, broken, brave. It was a sour medicine he knew he needed: the knowledge that seeing this Loki at peace should not be a balm for his grief.

He would never get his real brother back.

So the least he could do for his Loki was to remember him.

But too soon, they were entering the recognisable street where the green and white painted sign greeted them.

"Are you sure I can't stay to watch this?" This Loki – this friend – tilted his head slightly. A broad crimson clock face with silver numerals in a store window told Thor he had about ten minutes left.

"Surer than anything else," was all Thor could say.

Loki smiled almost mockingly. "I guess we'll never truly know who the other is, then."

Thor tried shrugging. "Well, I'm sure it'll be better that way."

"Of course."

"Well…" Thor said. Loki dipped his head.

"Goodbye." They said it together.

Thor hesitated for a second before he added, "Take care." He hoped it said enough.

"And you. Look both ways before crossing the road. Wherever you're from."

Unexpectedly, this Loki smiled and clapped a hand briefly to Thor's shoulder in a twistedly familiar gesture. His hand was light, but it still cracked a fissure in Thor's chest, and Thor could not breathe for a long moment.

And then not even another second passed before this Loki was turning away.

* * *

Unlike the first time the portal appeared, Thor witnessed the moment of its opening. It was as though an invisible, silent canon blast blew a ragged hole in the wall of reality, so that Thor could suddenly see the other side. The shining glass, steel, and marble of one of Tony Stark's workrooms winked at him, and he could hear the voices of Bruce and Natasha suddenly just a few feet away.

Like the first time, Thor charged through alone.

* * *

**Also, not that I'm relying on readers to be my main editors and catch all my mistakes, but feel free to let me know in reviews/PMs if you think I've written anything that doesn't make sense :P**

**Hope you enjoyed, anyhow.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Another snatch of downtime, so here we are~**

* * *

"Welcome home."

It looked like the day they had agreed to try opening the gateway in the first place. Natasha, Tony and Bruce stood in a loose circle with Thor in Stark's chambers, and the three Stones glowing green, blue, and amber in their impromptu metal crib. Except, now Thor was shaking the last wisps of the Midgardian winter off his human boots and shrugging off a fleece-lined coat.

"I can't believe that actually worked," Banner said from Thor's right. "But now that it has, I guess I can."

"That's…" Thor turned to him and nodded. Bruce shrugged. "Reassuring."

"Well, we did bring you back in one piece in the end." Thor knew Banner meant physically.

"So how was this dimensional neighbour of ours?" asked Romanoff.

"Seem like a friendly neighbour?" added Stark. "Would it lend us a cup of sugar if we asked?"

"Much like we might if it did," Thor began.

"More specifically, would a certain target inhabitant of this neighbour universe lend it?"

Thor hesitated. "I believe he would have…"

There was a pregnant pause. Thor knew the others were observing the very obvious absence of a second individual returning through the now-collapsed portal.

Bruce asked finally, "So, uh, Thor. Where is he?"

Thor took a deeper breath before he answered, "I felt it best to leave him there."

His mind grappled with how to best explain his reasoning; like his entry into the other universe, Thor felt he needed a private moment to orient himself.

"Okay." Tony said doubtfully. "Okay. You didn't forget why you went there, did you? Damn it, I knew I should have written it down on a Post-It or something – "

"He doesn't know," Thor bit out tersely.

Another fractured beat of silence, like the spaces of time between cracks expanding across glass.

"Know what?" Natasha calmly prodded.

"He doesn't even know he's not a human. I told him of our universe's plight, and he claimed to know nothing of what I spoke of. I assumed he was lying, out of mistrust in me, but nothing I could say made a difference. So I offered to show him the portal reopening back home to convince him I was telling the truth."

How could he explain? Like with the other Loki that morning, Thor could not think how to tell his friends why he had let down them and their fight against Thanos in favour of someone he did not really know. Or perhaps he thought they would understand why, and see how weak he was.

Thor lied.

"He saw it, just now. Either he still refused to admit who he is and what he knows, or he genuinely has never had anything to do with Thanos or the Stones like my brother did. Either way, he said he wants to stay out of this. But I believe he really knows nothing of use to us."

Bruce started, "How could that be? Surely he was raised on Asgard and everything like he was here – " Thor shook his head until his friend cut himself off.

"It seems that was an assumption on our part that we ought to have explored more thoroughly. That dimension's version of Loki never had me as a brother. Apparently that made a considerable difference to… life events."

Thor was glad no one asked him, though he wondered if they thought it – was that Loki happier?

(But the funny thing was that Thor thought maybe he was not)

But he was safer – Thor could keep his brother safe in at least one universe.

"We'll find another way." Natasha's voice spoke assuredly. Thor was grateful. Briefly, he realised he had stopped thinking of her and Barton as _agents_. Anyway, fifty percent of their organisation was gone.

Even so, he bowed his head.

"I failed us."

* * *

Thor entered the same leisure chamber with the glass coffee table and glossy computer magazines where Tony had found him three days ago. As soon as they had grasped that they had no new source of knowledge to work with, they had begun other plans and research. Thor had remembered a copy of an Asgardian-written book about the Aether had survived Ragnarok – a young boy on their ship had thoughtlessly taken it with him to the mountain hideaway from Hela, and again when they had evacuated. He had shyly given it to Thor as a gift on the Grandmaster's vessel.

Thor knew he had added it to the bookshelf in this room at some point. He traced his finger along the spines of Tony's other books, looking for the familiar violet canvas and velvet cover. He reached a gap in the books like a missing tooth in an otherwise perfect grin, and frowned. One of the others must have already begun researching the Aether without telling him.

"You left it in your bedchamber, remember?"

Thor started, Stormbreaker raised even as he recognised the voice. Or perhaps because of it. He turned.

He took a moment of processing, after which his brain was just as jumbled as before it.

"How did you get here?"

Loki's eyebrows furrowed slightly as though the answer were obvious. "I snuck through the port– oh don't do that," he sighed.

The scented candle Thor lobbed at him glanced off his chest and clattered onto the floor.

"Just had to be sure," Thor murmured.

Thor was sure his grip would crush Stormbreaker's handle to splinters if it were from an ordinary tree limb. "But how did you get through without us noticing you?"

"Travelling unseen between worlds has become something like child's play to me in recent years." Loki smiled thinly. "Surely you remember, Brother?"

From the instant Thor heard that voice, he sensed something was different, like a veil had been removed from this Loki, left behind in the other universe. It was in the slyer way Loki's words lilted, and in the knowing way he was smiling. Thor had every intention of forcing him to explain everything – and soon – but he already felt it: this Loki had been as knowing and deceptive as his brother in every sense.

"'Brother'?" Thor repeated.

(Without his permission his heart felt like it was rising hopefully – )

"No."

Loki sounded oddly remorseful. "That was probably cruel. I'm not your brother. In the same way you're not mine."

_No resurrections this time_

(Without his permission his heart clenched so hard Thor had to grit his teeth)

There was something about the way this Loki pronounced his name, as though he had known it for years. Like it caused him regret.

"I told you I was searching for someone, didn't I?"

For the first time, Thor realised this Loki's clothes had changed too. The sleek black leather, metal clasps and flashes of green were not quite the same as his brother's old attire, but they were clearly Asgardian.

"You told me that had nothing to do with what I was doing there." Thor nitpicked, like a child complaining about one rule in a game that was wholly unfair.

"Yes, well, I really had no forewarning that you would come barging into my home universe searching for me." Loki said. "In my case, I could never have really expected to find my target."

"Who were you looking for?"

Loki's eyes narrowed. Then they simply closed, and suddenly he looked so tired.

"It doesn't really matter anymore," Loki said, refocusing on him.

Thor regarded him with fresh wariness. He was given a cracked, knowing smile in return. He gestured to the setup of two chairs and coffee table by the window.

"I think you'd better explain. Honestly."

* * *

In a way, everything had been much simpler than Thor had thought.

"So you did know. Everything."

Loki did not ask him to specify. "I do."

"And you did…" Thor struggled, "_do _everything that…"

"That your own brother had done," Loki finished for him. And then, more softly, like touching a bruise, like regret: "I did."

Thor almost wanted to say 'you _are_him', but even thinking the words tasted wrong.

"Or at least," Loki added, "_almost _everything your brother had done. Until a point."

Thor sensed a big door about to open. "Meaning?"

"There's a reason why you and your friends observed me with no brother – no _Thor _– of my own in my home dimension."

It was as though his younger brother's eyes were watching him through this stranger's mask. As if looking at Thor while hanging above the Void, or lying in Svartalfheim's black dust with dying breaths. Or reluctantly submitting the Tesseract to the Titan clutching Thor's head.

Thor started and tailed off like a runner breaking into a sprint before realising he had already burned out. "So you did…"

"Have a brother." Loki finished again. His eyes closed briefly, but tightly. Again, he added softly, regretfully: "I did."

Thor pictured himself, a double, with this Loki walking side by side as brothers in the other Midgard, both in human clothes and talking of nothing of importance. He realised only a second later that that was what they had looked like only a day ago. He wondered what this Loki must have felt. If maybe they had been mourning along the same lines in those three days.

"So what happened to him?" Thor felt his voice should be croaking with how tightly his throat felt like it was being squeezed, but the question came out steady and low.

_Almost everything your brother had done. Until a point._

Another question made its way through Thor's throat.

"What did you do?"

"I had a brother." This Loki's laugh was dark, brief and humourless. "And then I had a choice."

He suddenly reiterated Thor's recount told two days ago. "You and your Loki were also gunned down by Thanos' ship, before the Titan forced him to hand over the Tesseract."

Thor nodded mutely. To speak would have been to risk choking on the questions lodged in his throat, or burning his tongue on his waiting curses. Or interrupting his little brother's voice, as it filled the space between them and sounded so much more like _him _than its polite deception had in the other world.

"But that's the thing. He – we – weren't forced. We chose between saving the Tesseract and universe… or saving our brother."

As tightly as his head had been squeezed at the time and despite being soaked in sweat, blood and smoke, Thor had remembered the exchange clearly. The Tesseract or his head.

This Loki said, "I chose wrong."

Thor remembered the exchange clearly. (His little brother shouting at Thanos to stop).

He remembered how furious he had felt at Loki at the time for handing the Cube over.

This Loki's voice was low. "You told me yesterday that this dimension's version of me is gone."

The silence was thick enough to drown in.

Thor spoke finally. "He chose me."

Without spoken cue, they both looked out the floor-to-ceiling window at the city beneath the stars, or perhaps just to look away from each other. From who they were missing.

At last Thor could see it. How It Was Meant To Be. His brother dies if he keeps choosing Thor. Even in another universe.

The dusky view outside was lovely and simple, but Thor felt like retching.

(Did it always have to be that way?)

This Loki sitting here, alive after making a different choice, was more proof Thor did not want that his Loki was not.

(Could Thor never just keep his brother?)

Loki said at last, "At least one of me made the right decision."

This Loki kept his gaze trained out the window and skimming the city lights, for which Thor was grateful, because he felt as though his own eyes were burning.

"If you ever see him again," his companion said, and Thor could tell he was feeling much more than the nonchalance his voice, "in whatever next life you might have, tell him 'well done' for me. Tell him he did well."

Thor nodded again. Whatever next life they might have. "I was already planning on it."


	7. Chapter 7

**Ugh, it's been too long. Sorry, friends :( It's been a busy past couple of months. But I'm so glad we're both here now~ **

**This is the last chapter - enjoy. **

**And then, everyone let's brace ourselves for Endgame.**

* * *

_Epilogue. _

Back when Thor had mused over little things, he had always thought that was a funny word.

_Epilogue._

That was back when Thor had time to muse over such things.

_Epilogue? _Thor had asked him.

(Him)

_Like the end of the book, _Loki had answered. _After the end of the story._

They were still young.

_But how can that be? _Thor had argued. _The end of the story is the end of the book. Otherwise that's cheating, like the characters get a second life._

He always knew how his little brother had loathed criticism of his precious books. He had let his grin show, to let his brother know.

_I guess some authors like to cheat. _Loki had huffed anyway. _I would. _

That was centuries ago, but Thor still recalled laughing. He recalled disagreeing.

* * *

"So your side won?"

They all stood around the coffee table, no one bothering to sit this time. The night had deepened, but the city lights made it look ageless, as if the Earth was guaranteed many more nights just like it.

Loki answered. "Technically, I suppose."

"Technically?" Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"When was the last time you won without losing?" Loki did not look at Thor.

"So after Thanos was subdued and the Stones destroyed or re-scattered in your dimension," Bruce said, "Why hide away on Earth?"

Loki smiled. "Because Thanos was only subdued. And I'm not exactly popular with the rest of the universe, whether or not half of it remains."

Tony interjected, "I know it was our plan all along to send you a party invitation, but is that why you followed Thor back here? So you can stick around in this universe afterwards where your Thanos can't reach you? Assuming we get an 'afterwards', of course."

"I_was_thinking an inter-dimensional barrier would be of help…"

"But there's _our_version of Thanos still at large on this side." Tony said. "I'm sure you thought of that."

Thor had not been sure how much this Loki would let show.

"I did. But there are also others on this side who aren't gone either."

He still did not look at Thor, but the others did.

"And just how did we win?" Bruce asked after a moment.

Thor had not reached this question with this Loki before the others had arrived. He rephrased it. "How do we win here?"

Loki looked at each of them. When he reached Thor, he tilted his head. The motion made Thor realise how still they had all been standing for the past hour, like five mannequins in a store window.

"You're all looking at me as though this is a one-word answer." Loki said.

"We witnessed half our universe disintegrate while the other half is still scrambling to recover." Tony said. "Forgive us for being a little tense."

"Honestly, it was with very meticulous timing. And a great deal of begrudging teamwork from certain people."

"Who were…?"

"Everyone." Loki shrugged. "Everyone who was left. On that note, you might want to let me live, just in case you were getting any ideas…"

"We weren't planning on harming you if I succeeded in bringing you here." Thor did not intend for his tone to have so much of a warning ring to it.

He watched Loki's mouth split into a sharp grin like a quarter moon. "Of course you weren't."

"So you fought on our side?" Bruce said.

"Obviously."

"No offence, I'm sure you'll understand that I still get a little triggered whenever I see you." Bruce nudged his glasses up the bridge of his nose slightly.

Loki smiled again. "Gods forbid I trigger the man housing a Hulk."

"Actually it's more like he's done a break-and-enter, refuses to leave, and doesn't even let me have the good side of the bed."

"Well, I would want to trigger this man even less."

Bruce paused. "Did the Hulk throw you around in your dimension too?"

"A key event in both timelines, apparently."

That eyebrow-raise from Natasha again. "How so?"

"It wasn't the most pleasant wake up call from the Mind Stone's effects, but you get what you're given. Or rather, take what you can get."

They all frowned at him, Thor included. "What?"

Several of the chairs accompanying the coffee table were pushed back against one of the walls. Stark went over and started pulling them forward. He twirled the last on one of its legs so he could plant it behind Loki.

"Start from the beginning. It's past all our bedtimes, so you should start talking."

* * *

Another hour later, they were all sitting forward. The silence now was viscous like a stew that had been simmering while Loki had talked.

Bruce said at last, "Either you're a very good liar or things might just actually work."

"Both are true, although you should be warned the latter is probably less of a guarantee."

"It's still something," Natasha said.

Thor agreed. "We just need something."

"So where does this leave you?" Tony asked.

"I told you," Loki said. "You give me another Thanos to destroy, and I'm all yours."

Thor was not unaware of the glances he received, as though he had the final say.

He poured mortar over bricks. "Well, there are more than enough spare rooms now."

And the answering silence was not totally unwelcoming.

Stiffly, Tony made to stand. "Loki, I'd never thought I'd say this to you – partly because you're a being from another dimension – but I think you're an Avenger now."

Loki smiled bleakly.

"When do we start?"

* * *

_But why an epilogue? _Thor had asked him.

(Him)

That was back when Thor had Loki to muse over such things with.

_I don't know. _Loki had defended. _It tells you the Fate of the characters after the main story ends. _

_I still think it's cheating. _

_Of course you do. _

Thor had been certain: _I'd make my ending glorious, and then accept it like the Asgardian warriors before us. Wouldn't you?_

Loki had not: _From what you all say about the way I fight, I doubt I'd get that much._

* * *

_"It's good to have everyone back." _

_Stark's voice echoed slightly off the high glass ceilings and glossy walls, addressing the whole room._

_"Well, nearly everyone." _

_Tony caught Thor's eye, which Thor was sure had accidentally let slip a fragment of the hidden ache in his chest. _

_"But still, it's also good to have some new additions to the team."_

_Standing amid the crowd – Wanda and Vision in front, Bucky behind, Sam and Peter to his left – Thor smiled at the figure on his right. _

_This Loki nodded back. _

_"So, once more, with feeling," Stark said to them. _

_"Avengers – !"_

* * *

**The End. For now :)**


End file.
